Saturday, November 22, 2003

A quick note on the USC/UCLA game

Quite frankly I hate both teams, I think USC students pay really good money, for an inferior education to be surrounded by pom pom sorority peroxide dyed/fratertinity gang bang rapists, and UCLA fans have about as much intensity as fans at a Kenni G concert. But to be a rivalry don't both teams have to comparable? I saw a college football team out there in red uniforms beat the shit out of the Pasadena City College Lancers for three hours. And this was with Pete Carroll as their coach (remember the Patriots anyone?). Pathetic.
Lakers win, barely, and Dodger news

The Lakers squeaked by, and Shaq left the game injured. Kobe stepped up to the plate and we beat the worst team in the league, just barely. It's evident that outside of Kobe and Shaq, everyone else isn't really that strong, including Payton. I mean this is the Bulls folks, these guys suck. Not only that, this is a team besieged by trade rumors, meaning that they've already conceded the season, and Jaylen Rose the reason for those rumors played like garbage.

I have no doubt that Kobe is a good player, but he's certainly not playing as hard this year as he has in the past, and though he can turn it on, on occasion, he's a spotty player. Let's all pray to the pantheon of Greek Gods that Shaq's injury is minor, and after a 10,000 dollar session at the Asian massage parlor, he'll be as good as new. Anyone who watched the Dodgers this year knows what happens when your star offensive player is weakened: you lose.

As for the Dodgers, the LA Times is reporting that Korean slugger Seung-Yeop Lee is looking to the Dodgers. We had a great experience with Chan Ho, so why not try again? That was sarcasm right there for the ignorant. The Korean league is supposedly worse than the Japanese league, so there will probably be a significant power drop off for Lee. I know Heep Seop Choi of the Cubs is a similar player, but Choi played in the American minor leagues, so his skills are for the American style of gameplay. He also is mutant size strong, whereas Lee is not. I think the Sexson, Derrek Lee trade will probably fall through, and Lee will be our future first baseman. At this point, most Dodger fans are totally cynical, so such a prediction makes perfect sense. Prove me wrong Dan Evans.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Where the nerds at?

Where are you bastards? You know, the dudes, who don't work out, play tons of videogames, obsess about who would win in a tie-fighter, x-wing, Starship Enterprise shoot em up. That's a huge category, but within that, the sub-category of sports nerds. Where you at mofos?

I hopped a link over to Brewerfan.net a site run by mid-western dairy fed nerds, who are WAY too into the Brewers. The Brewers are allegedly a team in the MLB that's in Wisconsin, but I wouldn't know because my cable doesn't carry the Dodgers when they play shit teams.

The website is well done, and covers all the prospects in the minors for the Brewers, has interviews with players, execs, and has tons of worthwhile opinions on the team and where it's going. Surprisingly, none of the writers of that site has committed suicide as I type this, even though the owner, commissioner of baseball, Bud Selig, has decided to lower payroll to the lowest in the MLB.

We need something like this for the Dodgers. It needs to have a messageboard, filled with dudes (of course only dudes would be members), who have like 12,000 posts, and a funky avatar of some dumbass Dodger from the 70s who played two games underneath their nickname. Members would have nicknames like "Strawberrythecokehead", "CircumcisedlikeKoufax" or something like that. You've been on those message boards, the one's where "Dodgerhotchick" would post her pic, we'd all pop a boner until we realize that we've seen that pic on magazine somewhere but we can't spot it. And then there'd be the crazy guy who'd talk about how Baseball and Communism, and Nazism are way cool, and they'd ban his ass, and he'd reappear under a different IP address. Do you get my drift?

Instead all the Dodgers have is the team website, a few blogs, and some websites that haven't been updated since Mondesi was on the team. No analysis of trades, prospects, or anything. That REALLY SUCKS.

So one of you, some brave soul, some total nerd with WAY too much time on his hands, some deadbeat dad behind in alimony and child support, quit your frigging day job and make this WEBSITE. Hell, I might even join.
Lakers Review

The Lakers lost earlier this week to the Pistons, and absolutely bent the knicks over an office chair and had their way with them. Loss to a decent team, win over a garbage shit team.

If this continues, we'll make the playoffs. If this continues, we don't win a championship. Sports writers write about the team not finding it's "rhythm". What does that mean? If it means they need to play to a beat, I'll be happy to escort the team around the country and beat a fucking drum on the sideline. Just seat me next to whatever broad Jack brought to the game. Does it mean that because there are 4 superstars on the team, that they take practice lightly, or in the case of Kobe, can't come to practice because the state of Colorado is readying a kettle for him? At that point it's Phil's fault. Or the coach who is supposed to run practice. Or the guy who makes sure the balls are pumped.

My point is this: We can wait and coast to the playoffs like last year, and then await death to the team with the superstar, premier player on it. This year, once again, it's Duncan. Pray that I'm wrong. Or else after we lose, we'll have a one man riot and a dumpster lit on fire, courtesy of moi.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Little Matsui, please God no

The LA Times is reporting that the Dodgers are hot after lil' Matsui. He's like Hideki of the Yankees, except he sucks more.

He's the subject of many teams desires, which means there will be a bidding war, which means he'll be expensive. All for a player who has never played a game in the major leagues.

He's an inferior hitter to both Matsui and Ichiro. He'd probably go for about five million, with a multi year contract. Would he be an improvement over Cora and Izturis? More than likely. Are there cheaper alternatives? Yeah, probably.

If we're worried about the Asian community, and want to draw attendance, instead of going after Japanese players, we should go after Taiwanese players, especially considering that there are MANY more of them living in the LA area. Ching Feng Chen has reduced his strike out rate dramatically, and should be given more than three at bats a season to prove himself. So he sucks defensively, and plays first base. The last robot we had there, McGriff didn't do to well either. Lil' Matsui is a good choice not because he's talented, he's not, but because he's better than the two black holes currently making up our middle infield. He's not worth five mil. Here's what I wrote a few weeks ago about Lil' Matsui, or Matsui version 2.0 whichever you prefer:

I decided to look up this new Matsui's stats, and I went to japanesebaseball.com to get the info. Kazuo plays for the Seibu Lions. This guy had a 914 OPS this past year, and he'll be 29 when he comes to the US (if he comes). In Japan, teams after they draft your ass, get to have you for 10 years before you declare yourself a free agent. Then we come in. This is the first strike I have against Japanese players: They've already played 10 years in a minor league and major league system that I see as inherently defective when compared to our league. How have I come to this conclusion? Watch my children.

The best hitter ever in Japan is not Japanese. He is Venezuelan. Alex Cabrera ended the 2002 season with a, get this: 1.223 OPS !!!! That is Barry Bonds-esque. He also tied the Japanese home run single season record with 55 DONGS. Hideki Matsui in his last year as a Japanese league player hit only 1.153 OPS with 50 DONGS. BOTH players played in America. Cabrera played a season with the Diamondbacks in 2000, and had a 799 OPS, whilst Matsui played for the Yankees you might have heard and had a 788 OPS. Matsui earns six million a year. Cabrera is paid in sushi and saki. I earn nothing. And the world goes round.

Now if the two best hitters from Japan can't rise above an 800 OPS, and we're being told that this new Matsui is merely a 912 OPS hitter in Japan, I expect him to be in the high 600s here. One of the misconceptions that statheads put forth is that the Japanese leagues are merely another triple A league, and if you subtract a blanket 20 percent off their stats, that's how they'll play in America. Ummmm, no. Clearly the Matsui drop off is over 30 percent, and for six million dollars, I'd rather the Dodgers spend that on some new seats in the upper pavilion. Would he be an improvement over Izturis? Yes, but so would a card board cut out of a baseball player with a mechanical arm to swing at balls. The Japanese leagues in sum total have produced one above average position player in Ichiro, and one above average pitcher in Nomo. Ichiro played TERRIBLY this year with a 788 OPS, and even when he won the MVP in '01, he had the LOWEST OPS FOR A WINNER in thirty years. This is also his second year in statistical decline, and he's demanding a payraise. Awesome.


I just looked up Ichiro's stats from his last year in Japan. 999 OPS. That's still better than Matsui version 2.0, but using hare-brained mathematics I predict Matsui v. 2.0 will probably be an 800 OPS MAX, and at worse a high 600s. Ichiro isn't a DONG hitter, but Matsui v. 2.0 is one, so when he goes for those big cuts, expect him to fall on his ass when he sees an AMERICAN REDNECK FASTBALL. (See, I told you I hit ALL ethnic groups). Singles hitters require a lot more finesse than homerun hitters do, which explains their tendency to not consistently produce offensively, unlike big hitters who produce consistently until their breakdown year (usually caused by diluted steroids).

There's nothing quite so arrogant as quoting yourself as if what you've written is gospel. Expect more of it in the future.
1000 hits

Wow, I never thought this site would be this popular! I'd like to thank myself, my talents, my good looks, my abilities, oh yeah, I guess you guys had something to do with it too. Keep watching mofos, more to come....

Monday, November 17, 2003

A-Rod wins MVP

Is that a good thing? I'm pretty neutral towards his win, though he is one of my favorite players, and probably the best all around position player since Willie Mays. It's interesting to note that's he on a three year statistical decline in OPS, yet is still such an amazing player that he was still a very valid winner of the award. He's only the second person ever from a last place team to win the award, the first being Andre "Hawk" Dawson for the Chicago Cubs.

Looking at the teams in the AL that won this year, the A's best hitter was Eric Chavez, but he doesn't stand out as a winner like A-Rod. The Twins had Corey Koskie, another Chavez-esque player, though Chavez would be the clear winner here. The Yankees best hitter was Giambi, but he's won an MVP award before, and he doesn't FEEL like a multi-MVP candidate. I know that's a very anti-stat pro Jedi like statement, but he doesn't feel like the type of guy who should win it all a lot. For the Red Sox you'd have to go with Manny, but Manny's an asshole, and baseball writers hate that shit.

So the position players aren't a strong bunch. Should we give the award to a pitcher? The obvious candidates would be Pedro, Hudson, Zito, and that's about it. None are really super dominators like past winners, because either they don't have the talent to be, or merely because their arm would fly off into the stands if they pushed themselves too much. And position players through a win share analysis TEND to make more of an impact over a season. But baseball writers understand stats about as much as I understand female whims, so because position players play nearly everyday they seem more valuable. Thus we're left with A-Rod.

So A-Rod wins, gets a free lay from his wife for winning, gets traded to Boston, Boston makes the playoffs, and A-Rod wins his first REAL MVP, and eventually goes to the Hall. We shall see mofos....

Missed the game

I was out being normal, trying to get laid, so I missed the game. This will OBVIOUSLY be a rare occurrence, and the VAST majority of games will be viewed by me. I figured this was a game that the Lakers would blow out (thank God I was right), and they did. The bad news was I put this game off for a date with a chick I met in a bar (BAD IDEA), and it's always a bad sign when you are seated across from her and imagine yourself putting a pickaxe through her head in the middle of a meal. But at least the Lakers won.

Lamar Odom also dunked on Kobe, and the whole team laughed, because they were so far ahead. I love lackadaisacal playing, so when the Lakers get sodomized by the Kings, or Mavs, or Spurs in the next few weeks, and Kobe misses a few practices to the court room, expect a total breakdown of spirit, and Shaq to punch a photographer.

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