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Saturday, November 29, 2003

Okay it was just a rumor.

I've put the bottle of Everclear down, and I've pulled the rope down from the ceiling, evidentally the Sexson trade was just a rumor. The Brewers stood to lose a lot in that deal, and gain only crap. The MLB article is posted 8pm on Nov. 29th, so it's the most accurate to date. Dan, if you read this, I'm sorry I said that to you big guy. I kind of blew my top, no offense intended. Maybe the two of us can go shopping at Sears, or TJ Maxx's and pick out matching salmon colored plaid shirts or something. I eagerly await our acquisition of Richie Sexson or someone comparable. Please Jesus.
It's official

MSNBC.com is reporting that Sexson has officially gone to the D-Backs. Brewers would get Craig Counsell, Chris Capuano, and Lyle Overbay. Counsell is one of the worst players in baseball, Overbay and Capuano are unproven and possibly suck as well. Here is my prediction for the Dodgers to finish in the NL West for 2004:

1st place--Giants
2nd place--D-Backs
3rd place--Padres
4th place--Rockies
5th place--Portland Expos
6th place--Honolulu Ganja smokers
7th place--Compton Dice Rollers
8th place--Dodgers

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU DAN EVANS!!!!! ARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Predictions

Here's my expected lineup on opening day for the LA Dodgers. I expect it's rather accurate.

CF--Dave Roberts
C--Todd Hundley
RF--Shawn Green
LF--Random fan who won a raffle to play that day
1B--Platoon of Rickey Henderson, Fred McGriff, Eric Karros, Rafael Palmeiro, and Eddie Murray
2B--Dude from Asia with effeminate spikey and dyed hair, color contacts
3B--Adrian Beltre
SS--Cesar Izturis
P--45 year old washed up pitcher who has several joints made out of tupperware

It's a pretty good lineup. I would compare it in power to the 1904 Boston Bean Eaters, or 1899 Cleveland Spiders. Can't wait till April!

Send me your possible lineups for April, and I'll post them.
Hark, the herald Angels sing!

The Spurs might indeed be done. There's been some debate with me over whether Tim Duncan was the best player in the league last year. I think he was. Is he better overall than Shaq? Of course not. Three, four years ago, Shaq was unstoppable. But with the injuries last year that he and Kobe played through, Duncan was the best that year. How can I be right? Well he did beat us. If that isn't evidence enough, I don't know what is. Or maybe they cast a magic spell on us. Listen mofos, there's a difference between a Laker fan and a Laker psycho. Kobe just plays basketball, he isn't a superhero in yellow and purple spandex.

But now Duncan is returning from surgery, he's not 100 percent, and it's clear that we are the dominant team in the league. I'm still going to be watching to see if Duncan has a return to form, so we shouldn't get our confidence up. Remember, Shaq will never be the player he was in the past again, and Kobe might not be with us come playoff time. In that case, expect the Lakers to lose, not because they were the inferior team, but because of extenuating circumstances.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Something wrong...help!

For some reason this stupid goddamn fugging blog program is showing a post I was working on, but didn't want published because I wasn't finished with it. It's about the cycle baseball teams go through. If you read it, ignore it, it's unfinished, and may never be published in complete form. God I hate this stupid thing. And I hate you if you read it. Sorry mofos.
Washington Bullets nuked

A 120-99 victory over one of the crappiest teams in the league is always a delight. Boring, but delightful. The real game is this Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Just as my stomach is settling down from being stretched to its utmost, just after I've taken the first of my holiday season post meal super dumps, I will be besieged by the most exciting match up in the regular season: Lakers verses Spurs. I expect in the middle of that game, if we don't have a comfortable lead that I will require hospitalization.

Basketball games during the regular season mean more than in baseball, by the mere fact that there are less of them. A regular season game is also a great barometer of how good a team is. In the NBA, the best teams usually win. The best teams tend to have the best players on them as well. This is certainly the best Laker team in two years. But the Spurs have at this moment the best all around player in the league: the Jamaican Tim Duncan.

My experience with people from the Islands is limited. I know they smoke an enormous amount of dope. I know they have funny hair dews, talk a sort of English, and wear funny hats. I know that like most third world countries, most of the citizens are machete wielding maniacs who love to tear hapless tourists to pieces when they wander outside of the heavily guarded mega resorts like Club Med. Tim Duncan is one of these. He has skills, he is aggressive. We have a past his prime ogre for a center, and an arrogant little kid in the form of Kobe. Rumor has it that Duncan is injured. Pray that he is. Tomorrow will show what this team is capable of. They're the only team that has the ability to beat us. We BARELY beat them without Duncan. With Duncan they will sodomize us. Just a thought.

Monday, November 24, 2003

On the Dodger front

Looks like Richie Sexson will be a D-Back next year. Dan Evans was really gunning for him as our future first baseman. With every passing day, Korean slugger Seung-Yeop Lee is looking like our player of the future. We'll probably get him. That's sort of like asking for a Cadillac for Christmas and getting a Daewoo.
Lakers cruise

With Shaq out, and resting for Tim Duncan and friends, Kobe MANNED up, and won us the ball game. The true star of the team, everyone's favorite Chechen, Slava, came to life for the first time this year, after an off season gun shot wound from his vacation in mother Russia. I'm pretty satisfied with our bench, guy like Horace Grant, and Byron Russell, and even lil' Walton. Most of those guys are left overs from the 1980s, but they're still capable of tricks to keep up with opponents, so long as they're limited to about five minutes of playing time before their hearts explode. I think as the season goes on, they might tire, especially Horace, if he's called upon to start over and over for the oft-injured Shaq. Watch closely this Friday for the Spurs/Lakers match up, and a healed Duncan. Shaq won't be 100 percent, and Kobe will have to carry the team, should it should be a decent preview of the playoffs. Gulp.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

How low can you go?

I was looking through a sports poster website, with posters for sale. Under the Dodgers section, they had a Chan Ho Park poster, a Herschiser poster from 1990, and that other washout Shawn Green. Compared to the Yankees section it was garbage. Pathetic. This is what you write when you've been drinking. Alone. In a dark room. With just the computer on.

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