Saturday, December 06, 2003

Nomar is Ramon spelled backwards

That's what Vin Scully told me once, but he may have been lying. The newest rumor to hit the press is that Nomar will come to LA, for Perez, if A-Rod is traded to Boston.

My biggest problem with Nomar is that every time he's at bat, he does this head, shoulders, knees and toes shit, that delays the game by five minutes after every pitch. And that he has a hot athletic wife. Well the latter is something I hold against all athletes, and all successful people, so he's not that unique. But the thing with the touching of his glove, then his nose, then the umpire, has just got to go. Dodger fans will leave in the 4th not the 7th with that stunt.

He's also injury prone. And that's never a good thing. I've said it once, and I'll say it a few dozen more times, if they send us a ticking time bomb, we might as well send them one of ours. Give them Alvarez, not Perez.

Friday, December 05, 2003

I thought Shaq was injured

When they're this good, I wonder sometimes if they fake injuries to have other teams let their guards down. I bet Kobe faked this whole trial, and mid way through the season he's going to point at the cameras and say "gotcha", and then we'll blow out whoever were playing that night by 100 points.

I didn't see tonight's game, but like most of the games this season, the Lakers are BORING. Not fall asleep boring, but boring like I know the ending to this movie boring. The ending is never in doubt: The Lakers win. They won tonight against the Mavericks, 114-103. Granted this was without the German playing, but still. There's really no one else out there. One man teams like the Mavericks, the Spurs, and the Kings, if they lose their superstar, Nowitski, Duncan, Webber, they're screwed. We lose Shaq, we've got three more to take his place.

Like I said before, I'm holding my breath to see where this rape case goes. If Kobe is nailed before the season ends, I don't see us winning. Otherwise, it looks like another Championship.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Dan Evans, this is your mother

It's rumor season. The papers, well, the LA Times, is full of the latest BS on the grapevine concerning the Dodgers. The latest has the Yankees still interested in Kevin Brown, but without Nick Johnson in the trade. The old man Steinbrenner himself wants Brown. Dan Evans refuses.

This is sheer lunacy. Kevin Brown is done. He is finished. There is no possible way he will return to form in '04. He is guaranteed to be on the DL for at least five starts. This deal is something that is so heavily favored for the Dodgers it's crazy. Weaver's ERA will be decimated at least, in the confines of Chavez. And then there is the savings. So what if we don't get a player. The Yankees have nothing to offer us except money. Use that money to procure SOMEBODY. Even if it means overpaying. Economic realities don't exist in the baseball marketplace, but necessity DOES. We need big bats, we can't be willing to give up anything in our minor league system, there's heavy competition for a few stars, then we must overpay. It's that simple. I don't know what Danno is thinking, actually I don't think he is thinking, I think he is crazy. DO THIS TRADE DAN, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. The savings are WORTH IT.

The article goes on to say Billy Beane is offering us Jermaine Dye for Paul Lo Duca. Let's put it this way:

Me: My Volvo is for sale.

Billy: I'll give you this 76 Peugeot.

Me: What the fuck?

That's the kind of deal that is. Billy is a nutcase. He blows it with the Hernandez trade, and now he wants our catcher? Go fly a kite jackass.

And finally Evans is not interested in Konerko. If there were other good first baseman on the market I would not go for this. But there AREN'T. Certainly not any from Korea. Take him please! Until tomorrow mofos.
Bitching and Moaning

I'm in a foul fucking mood, as I try to transfer my cell phone number to my father's family plan and save myself 30 bucks a month, plus get a free cell phone. Of course accomplishing this is about as easy as passing a rope through your digestive tract.

There's a discussion about Barry Bond's use of steroids on Baseball Primer. I refuse to link to the discussion because it is so assinine and an insult to intelligent people everywhere, that for me to look at it again would cause a jet spray of blood from my brain onto the monitor out of my nose.

Baseball fans in general are huge losers. They believe in flights of fancy that somehow a fat ass drunk like Babe Ruth would have a 2.0 OPS and 75 homers against the likes of Clemens, Martinez et al, because the season is longer. Ummm, bullshit. Why would a fat fuck who out played underweight smokers in the 1920s, be able to compete against guys with six packs in the 00s? Why in every sport known to man, are athletes stronger, faster, taller, heavier, yet somehow, baseball is a special case, where guys with no teeth, who smoked a pack a day, hated black people, are somehow superior athletes now? It boggles the mind.

But I digress. My chief complaint is that there are such amazingly stupid, mentally retarded individuals who can actually believe in something amazingly stupefyingly superlatively impossible, that it puts belief of the tooth Fairy into the realm of the possible. What I mean is, there are people who believe that Barry Bonds DOES NOT DO STEROIDS.

These are smart people, or at least people who use mathematics regularly. Their first pro Barry argument goes like this:

I work out twice a week, for ten minutes a day, and I gained 50 pounds of pure muscle like Barry, without steroids, therefore Barry doesn't use steroids.

Translated generally, the argument, which is a logical fallacy looks like this:

I have never seen a french fry, therefore, there are no french fries.

This is what they told us on the standardized test is called personal opinion. If you took basic logic courses in college, the famous quote "ten thousand frenchmen can't be wrong" symbolizes this. It is taking your stupid, ridiculous loser personal baseball idealized life, and correllating it to all of existence. In other words, because you represent the world, therefore everything that happens to you, is the reality for everyone else. Sheer stupidity.

Then there is the second argument. What evidence is there that Barry Bonds takes steroids? I mean really? This argument is so ridiculous and easy to refute it is a waste of calories to do so, but I must. The fact that he gained 50 pounds of pure muscle, the fact that somehow he has incredible muscle mass on his jaw line a classic symptom of anabolic steroid use, the fact that his trainer had steroids found in his home, the fact that he was the chief advertiser and promoter for BALCO, a supplement company, which is currently being investigated for steroids by a grand jury, and the fact that he is prone to bursts of public rage and moodiness, other classic examples of steroid use. No, folks, those are all sheer coincidences. Yeah right. Sane people convicted OJ on less, we should do the same here. Don't take my word for it, take www.webmd.com 's word for it, and look at the symptoms of steroid use. If you won't listen to doctors, then who the fuck will you listen to?

But the last argument is, let's wait until he's charged before we hang him. I guess cops should never do pre-emptive strikes on murderers or drug users either. They should wait until the drugs are imbibed, to see if they have the effect, then we have PROOF that they are using. I guess we should wait till Michael Jackson sneaks over to the nearest child care center and has his way with the toddlers. Fuck probable cause, which is used by police every minute of every day, to stop would be criminals acting suspiciously. Forget, because even though Barry Bonds has every reason to use steroids, because he shows the classic symptoms of steroid use, because he is an athlete in a competitive environment, that's not enough to prove he's a steroid user. Nope, we need to weigh the evidence, and hold our breath. It's that mentality that allows spineless craven worms like Bud Selig to pass a steroid testing policy, similar to the one in the NFL, that is almost impossible to flunk, and when you do flunk it, no one finds out if you failed, and the media goes on thinking the sport is clean.

The third argument is that Barry is taking a supplement called THG, and that it is not a steroid. Anabolic steroids are a broadly used term for drugs like testosterone that can increase muscle mass. Many drugs fall into this category. All are banned by baseball, and all are for cheaters. This argument hopes against hope that though it is painfully obvious the man is a bloated drug abuser, if we re-label what he does, the he isn't doing it. Sort of like relabelling lynching, into Southern picnic.

The truth of the matter is, no one wants to admit that in this day and age, to hit that many homeruns is impossible without the help of drugs. No one wants to admit that the best hitter ever used drugs to succeed. But that's the sad truth, and until baseball fans grow up and admit to that, we'll have the continued "Emperor Has no Clothes" situation before us, where blatant rule breaking continues, and no one is called out on it. And that's a tragedy.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003


The LA Times is reporting that Paul Konerko is being looked at for a trade. The trade would be for Perez straight up.

Konerko didn't play that well this year, but usually he's a mid 800s OPS hitter. I'm always reluctant to part with a young Dominican pitcher after the Pedro Martinez debacle of several years back, but Lord knows we need hitting. Personally, I think we should buy Wilson Alvarez's contract, and then betray him by selling his fat ass to the White Sox. Evans seems like an honorable guy who would never do that, though he did totally betray Karros, which is a good thing, so maybe he can betray Alvarez whose career he resurrected. It's not like Alvarez is going to have a hard time finding work next season, but realistically, he probably won't pitch as well as Perez. He's too damn old, had a bad history of injuries, and he's totally out of shape. But all things being equal, and the subject being the Dodgers, expect Alvarez in blue next season.
Jesus is the fifth Laker

I'm starting to believe it. Down by 15 before the half, and we come back to win it. The Spurs, easily the best team in the league last year, are the first team in the West to lose ten games. Not the Nuggets. The Spurs.

The Lakers have to pass three tests before I declare them the de facto winners of this year's NBA championship.

1. They have to kick the shit out of the Sacramento Queens
2. Kobe must be found not guilty, or found guilty after the season
3. Shaq must remain healthy, and that means reduced playing time. It's up to Jackson at this point.

The third point is the most important. An ailing Shaq is someone who like Stu said tonight, has no elevation, and might get into foul trouble to make up for that weakness. Of course Shaq almost did get a triple double tonight, but a healthy Shaq would have easily achieved that, without the fouls, and with more playing time instead of sitting out much of the 3rd quarter. By the way is anyone shocked as hell that Karl Malone can still play basketball? And good basketball at that? That forty year old mofo is even better than Payton!

Paul Quantrill, our second best reliever, was picked up today by the Yankees, it's being reported. When I first read this, I panicked, but on second thought this could be a good thing. Which is sort of like saying a stint in LA County jail would be a good thing.

Quantrill will not have the year in '04 he had last year. It's not possible. He'll be pitching in Yankee Stadium, he'll have New York media hiding out in his toilet to find out his dietary habits, he'll be under immense pressure. This is the Yankees' way of doing things now, and it's largely an unsuccessful way of doing things. Buy every free agent, based on reputation, not on reality. Aaron Boone having a good year, buy that mofo. Fidel Castro can steal bases, buy that mofo. They'll do it. But free agents are old, and unlike minor league stars, whose best years you're guessing on, free agents are being picked on PAST great years. That doesn't necessarily mean they'll do well THIS YEAR. The Yankees' farm system has produced Soriano, and Nick Johnson in the last few years. That's like Wolfgang Puck saying, I've produced in the last week, Hamburger Helper, and a banana. Not bad, but sure as shit, not that good.

As much as I bitch and moan about Dan, he knows how to find pitchers. He'll find some clown to take up the slack in middle relief. It's the goddamn hitters, he has no idea about. The Brown trade has fallen through according to here.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003


On occasion I get emails. Most of them have the subject line "Want your penis to increase ten times in size???", or "Watch this mule grind your mom!", but occasionally they are about my vast sports knowledge. Usually they are from the Dodgers front office asking me kindly to remove Dodger from my name or face a lawsuit.

Today's rare fan letter comes from Kansas:

Hey Dodgerkid,
Who are the Dodgers willing to give up for Beltran? Us Royals fans are curious.

Peter in KC

First of all, thanks for the letter Peter. As a member of the Dodgers organization I'll be more than happy to give you an answer. Oh wait, I'm just a loser like you who gives a shit about a shitty team. Peter I have no idea, but since this is my first letter in awhile from a fan, who may or may not be my father masquerading as a fan to prevent me from getting depressed, so I'll take the time to answer.

A perusal of Kansas' offense shows Beltran to lead in AVG, OPS, and basically every other offensive statistic. You've re-signed Randa, Berroa, the AL ROY is still on the team, and Mike Sweeney if healthy would be better than Beltran. Your offense isn't your problem. However, you seem to have a 35 year old black hole playing catcher by the name of Brent Mayne. He hit 651 OPS in 113 games, my boy Paulie the Duck, which is English for Paul Lo Duca in Italian, hit 712 in 147 games, and Paul can play first or left field if all hell breaks loose. Not bad. Paul will most likely be the subject of any trade done with your team. But we'll have to throw in someone else for a player like Beltran. Let's look at pitching.

The Royals had a 5.06 ERA, with Darrell May being the star of the team. But this was probably a career year he had, and I'd be surprised if he pitched as well in 2004. You've got a young trio of pitchers who are struggling, in the form of George, Hernandez, and Snyder. You'll probably want a veteran to shore up the starters. We have a brat on our hands who the front office hates in the form of Odalis Perez. I think the Dodgers might re-sign him just to trade him, and that will be the deal Evans will offer. The Royals will then proceed to get a better offer from some schmuck team like the Devil Rays, and Evans will sign Lou Gehrig, Wee Willie Keeler, and Pele to fill out our roster in the hopes that there's still some magic left in them. Did I answer your question?
Latest rumor

Rotoworld is reporting that the Yankees are considering a trade straight up for Kevin Brown and Jeff Weaver. Brown is 39 and has two more years on his contract at 15 mil a year. Weaver makes about half that much for the next two years. The savings for the Dodgers would be phenomenal. The retard who runs rotoworld feels that this trade would be unfair for the Dodgers unless Nick Johnson was thrown in as well. The trade is beyond fair regardless of Johnson. For those with reading comprehension problems: KEVIN BROWN IS 39 YEARS OLD. He's done folks. Yes he came back last year. For the two years before '03, he was bedridden, and having his bones rebuilt from transplanted car parts. The fact that he came back this year is a fluke. He also pitched in Dodger stadium. He will totally fall apart with the Yankees. Weaver will improve tremendously in the no pressure marijuana environment that is the Dodgers. Weaver is well known as a huge stoner, and like most stoners, gets panicky and sketchy at the first sign of pressure from his boss. The Yankees and the New York fans and press scream at him nonstop, and if he were to come here, he'd just cruise on by, and ignore the three Japanese journalists waiting by his locker after the game with an "English only" shrug, before heading to the shower. If he comes to the Blue, expect his ERA to halve. Do it Danno. Do the trade!
I've been thinking

I may have cost myself a chance to work for the Dodgers. And that's ok. I enjoy selling air conditioner parts. There's a future there.

The LA Times is reporting that Evans is still confident, and that the latest rumor is he's gunning for Carlos Beltran . Beltran made 6 million last year, plays for the Royals, is a center fielder, and hit 911 OPS. I like him.

Which makes me wonder how the hell we're going to get him. The Dodgers were willing to give up one of their best pitching prospects, Joel Hanrahan, Lo Duca, and no one else, for Sexson. Perhaps the Dodgers should be more willing to give up pitching prospects. I know this sounds sacrilege, but considering the fact that we play in a pitcher's park, and this if anything tends to help the stats of pitchers, it might benefit us to go for broke with power hitters, and hope our pitchers make due. Consider this: our pitching staff, the best in baseball last year, was made up of largely have beens, and pitchers other teams had given up on. It's very likely that Paul Quantrill will be a Yankee next year, Gagne, a loser of a starter just won the Cy Young award, and Brown, who was considered finished after 2002, was second in ERA in the NL. Nomo was a spring training invitee, the rest of the MLB had given up on him before 2002, and he finished in the top ten in ERA this season. The stadium makes a difference. Picking up lovable losers like Wilson Alvarez, and watching them bloom is what we may have to do. Dropping promising guys like Hanrahan and Edwin Jackson, while hard to stomach, might be the way to go for superpromising hitters. Evans was wise not to give up our best position player in the minors. Maybe Danno isn't such a bad guy after all. Well mofos, do you think he'll forgive me? He seems to know what he's doing...my faith might be rekindled...

Monday, December 01, 2003

Why bother?

I enjoy writing about the Dodgers, hence the stupid name of this blog, DodgerKid. I'd like to think I'm a super fan of the Dodgers, the pathetic type of young fan who'd enjoy being a bat boy for the team, and having to bleach jock straps, and hiding player's steroid medication from the prying eyes of news journalists. That kind of fan. Ok, maybe not the jock straps part. This blog is an attempt to criticize something I love, that has gone very wrong.

But writing about the Lakers is a whole different story. This team is run really well. Amazingly well. Championship well. I've yet to see a team be able to match them. This is a team with four superstars on it. Kobe, Shaq, Payton, and Malone all are playing amazingly. Payton, shock of shocks, might be the worst of all four. I thought Malone would be an enormous liability because of his age, he isn't. He can still dominate. Our bench is strong as hell. Devean George, and Derek Fisher are both interchangeable starters. Slava isn't too bad either. Does any team in the league compare? The Spurs are a shadow of themselves from last year with Tony Parker and Duncan coming back from surgery. Will they improve as the year goes on? Probably, but with the blow out we had, it'll take a lot to come back. Anyone else? Mavs, Pacers, Kings? We'll see about the Kings, but with Webber out, that looks unlikely too. In short, there's room for confidence.

But the biggest reason the Lakers are doing well, isn't because of the additions. I think it's because Kobe and Shaq want to win. That's something they didn't want last year. THEY WANT TO WIN. You never know how much you want something until you lose it. And with Kobe facing a 400 on 1 gangbang in the next coming months, no one wants it more.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

It's true...

ESPN is reporting that the Sexson rumor was true after all. Sexson will be traded for Lyle Overbay and Craig Counsell, and a minor leaguer named Jorge De La Rosa. Dan Evans, MAY YOU BURN IN HELL, WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Forget shopping together!!!!!!!!

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