Saturday, December 27, 2003

I got a jersey

I've decided to buy a Dodger jersey. Actually I decided to allow my dad to purchase it for me for Christmas. I've yet to see it. I thought about getting a Dodger tattoo, you know the "LA" design where the L and the A look like they're having sex together and which adorns all Dodger caps and jerseys. Then I saw a show on cable about LA county jail, and A LOT of the Mexican prisoners had those as tattoos too, so to avoid getting shot on the street for being mistaken as a gang member, I've decided to take the look of a lovable dork/recent immigrant, and merely purchase the jersey.

The LA Times had letters today in the sports section, mostly of people bitching and moaning about the lack of moves by the Dodgers. I'm glad I'm not alone. Of course they had to throw in the sole loser who insists what Dan Evans is doing is wonderful, convincing me that in 20 years when we have no more World Series rings, and the team looks like the Red Sox, most of the fans will be dumbass apologists who think every year is the "year" for victory, and we'll never have lynch mob fans like the Yankees you (justifiably) expect a ring every year. Complacency equals losers.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Here's the problem

Ron Belliard signed with the Indians today. Why is this important? It demonstrates the incompetence of Dan Evans. Here is a perfectly good second basemen, although his stats are elevated because of playing in Coors field, that we overlooked for Alex Cora. They probably would have gone for the same price, and Belliard would have had a 100 points higher OPS.

It is my continued belief, that the Dodgers are only two trades/free agents away from winning the NL West. Buy a decent outfielder like Jay Payton, trade for Paul Konerko, hope Shawn Green has some kind of return to form, and Beltre continues on as usual, and you have the makings of a mediorce, yet capable defense. But when you re-sign last year's shit, even though you don't have to, like Cora and Ventura, then you weaken an already pathetically weak offense. I'm not a doctor, but some of the symptoms of senility must include sitting on your hands doing nothing, and/or continuing on with tasks that only hurt you, like picking at boils, and not wiping your ass. Evans seems to be a classic case, maybe one of the Dodgers medical staff can have him checked out. But if I find out that Evans has had his hands tied by that buffoon McCourt, well then, I guess it's Hara Kiri time for me.

Finally, I noticed about half the the links on my link list don't seem to work. I'll probably leave them up though just because they make the page look a little professional. So don't click them.

Lakers are finished

Wow, I'm officially declaring the season over. The game against the Rockets was deplorable. Shaq was terrible, no one was capable of making a shot. Jackson's moves were the moves of a monkey, and he is officially the worst game coach in the NBA. Putting in that Chechen dude Slava, he may have learned to shoot by throwing hand grenades at passing Russian soldiers, but those skills are useless in the NBA, when you shoot have a player in front of you putting up a block. Every moment he is in, he quickly becomes confused by the faster moving black players around him, and like a moron, takes a shot. Jackson needs to put in Bryan Russell, and teach his other bench players to BE PATIENT, if Kobe and Shaq are covered, PASS, DON'T SHOOT!!!!! If the Lakers do anything this year it will be in spite of bad coaching, in spite of a poorly used bench, and a crazy Kobe. If God is a Christian God, and not a ruthless Allah, then the Lakers might just win it this year. If not, I expect Osama in the White House, and the Nuggets to take it all.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

My Descent into madness continues...

The Lakers decline is picking up the pace, with even Shaq playing terribly against the Warriors, and yet another loss against an absolutely horrendous team. After leading in the first quarter, Jackson in his infinite wisdom decided to remove ALL of our top three players, and shock of shocks, the Warriors took the lead.

With Phil looking more and more like an animatronic corpse(such as the puppets at Chucky Cheeses), Kobe being a mediocre ball hog, and Payton playing poorly as well, this team relies solely on Shaq, and a decent bench, if I may repeat previous blog entries ad nauseum. As we open up the Christmas holiday, I'd like to thank Jesus for betraying my teams and selling out this city to a madman from the East, in the form of first Murdoch and now McCourt. All great things must come to an end, and I suppose throwing both the Lakers and Dodgers into the pile of shit that Cubs, Miami Heat, Knicks, Red Sox fans have come to expect, nay, cherish, is what we deserve. I'd also like to thank the zero response I got from my readers as to where I can find points per shot attempted for basketball, it's clear that serious basketball study is a no-no for this blog, and I will thus continue a non-stop diatribe of insanity until I have stroke. Merry Christmas.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Fuck Kobe

Every time I look on the sidelines of a Lakers game, the cockiest, grinniest, most arrogant prick in the audience, besides Jack Nicholson, is Kobe Bryant. You would think with the Colorado state police force awaiting him with a 12x12 urine filled jail cell would have wiped that attitude off the face of this earth, or the fact that he is playing as a shadow of his former self, but instead we get a Kobe who is an absolute ball hog in the 4th quarter, and a shit shooter to boot.

And now with Malone's arthritic ruined 40 year old knee probably taking him out for the rest of the season, Kobe will demand the ball more than ever. Gary Payton got absolutely SCHOOLED by Stephon Marbury last night, so the non-stop BS banter from sports writers over how four future hall of famers are on the Lakers, that needs to be rewritten as one future hall of famer, two really shitty old guys (but future Hall of Famers), and a young arrogant prick who thinks he's better than Jordan. The Lakers bench and Shaq are what keeps the team going. Hell, even Luke Walton showed his stuff. They don't play as a team at all, and that's both the fault of enormous egos, and Phil Jackson, who is setting a new NBA coaching record for most games coached without rising to his feet once.

The Suns are one of the worst teams in the West, with one very good player (Marbury), and one pretty good player (Marion). Stoudemire is out injured. When he comes back, we better watch out, they just might beat us. Payton cannot cover Marbury(neither can anyone for that matter), and Marbury will steal every possession from Gary. Kobe will use the court case as an excuse to come to games late, and not play well at all. And then he'll use his reputation, to get the ball as much as possible. Maybe with Malone out for a while, the Lakers might be able to make more use of their solid bench, and Shaq will have more possession time, and thus more scoring time.

I hope to do some kind of statistical analysis of some of the top NBA players, and I'm looking for a stats page that's up to date, sort of like a baseball-reference.com, but would have crazy nerd stats like points per shot attempt. If someone could tell me that site, that would be great. Of course I expect zero reply from you mofos, and will have to find it myself. Pricks.

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