Saturday, January 10, 2004

Thank God for that

I'm going to be honest with you. I haven't watched a Laker game for a week. First it was the flu, then I found some cool internet porn, then I was watching Cartoon Network (they brought back He-man!), and I missed the games. But I saw last night's absolute blow out versus the Atlanta Hawks. Granted they are the worst team in the game, but we needed that boost. Slava, who speaks almost no English, if you saw the after game interview, had his best game ever. I don't think he's capable of that against a decent team, so we essentially watched what the Lakers would be capable of if Shaq or Malone were healthy. If Kobe were just a little less selfish, this team wouldn't have lost as much as we did the last few games.

The other thing that a Malone/Shaq loss brings is the loss of defense. The best NBA teams have the best defense. Whichever team is the best at defense will win the championship. A healthy Shaq, means a great defense. Our win last night was against a team that practices giving up turnovers, so Kobe looked fantastic. But defensively he's still mediocre, able only to make quick steals, something that is risky, and doesn't succeed often. This team needs Shaq healthy, forget about Malone, and they'll win. Otherwise we will be beaten by the Spurs.

Dodger news is grim. The LA Times is reporting that McCourt won't get the team until the end of January. They don't make it clear in the article but I'm pretty sure McCourt is not allowed to influence or talk to Evans in any way. Of course that means Evans bumbles around, not doing anything, and re-signing the same old shit. Here's what Evans needs to do in the meantime if he hasn't already:

1. Tell prospective free agents, to hold on until early February to await a deal. Make ridiculous promises to keep them interested.

2. Stop wearing pink plaid shirts.

I doubt McCourt has the cash to sign Guerrero with the deal he cooked up to procure the Dodgers. The signings of Travis Lee, and Jay Payton would more than help our offense. Dave Roberts is really not much more than a backup anyway. A minor platoon with Encarnacion will help both of their numbers. Two simple acquisitions, and we could win the west, but this fucking deal is ruining everything. How typical.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Roberts re-signs

Outfielder Dave Roberts agreed Friday to a $975,000, one-year contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Roberts, 31, hit .250 with two homers, 16 RBIs and 40 stolen bases in 107 games last season. He was hampered much of the year by an injured right hamstring.

The Dodgers acquired Roberts from Cleveland on Dec. 20, 2001. He played in 127 games for Los Angeles in 2002, hitting .277 with three homers, 34 RBIs and 45 steals.

Roberts had been eligible for salary arbitration

From the AP. If he stays healthy, and that's a huge if, since he loves acting like Pigpen and jumping the dirt and fucking up his hamstrings, I think he's capable of a 700 ops, 40+ steals, and a success percentage of stealing a little over 70 percent. They signed him for pretty cheap, considering the amount we gave Encarnacion, who is basically a similar player without the steals, but a slightly better hitter. Both are incredible outfielders defensively. I pray that Roberts fragile little body holds together. Wimp.

And then there was Evans. Evans may have calmed my anguish with this quote from Dodgers.com--

"For the fans, all I ask is to have patience," he said. "There are still viable options and we're not done. Sometimes you wait it out and things get done down the line that turn out to be better. Some people are anxious. My job is to be patient."

And my job is to bitch and moan. But only one of is paid six figures, so I lose out. I'm glad to see that he's not done yet. If he was, I would have had a heartattack. He would have made some bullshit mention of how they have a real strong roster, and how we probably can win it all this year. Instead, he's saying he's not done. Good. And on the rumor front, we still might be in the running for Vlad


How much egg will be on my face if McCourt comes in, and gives the go-ahead for Vlad? I'll probably have a spontaneous orgasm or something. (As gay as that is). I know it won't happen, but I can always dream can't I?
Lakers are rolling...

...right into the shitter. How's that for deep analysis?

And now to the Dodgers. January 14th is the meeting date for the owners to decide if McBroke can afford the team. Laws will be flouted, Selig will shake, and the Dodgers will be reduced to the dust heap. 2004's NL West will be very competitive, not because a team will have caught up with the Giants, but because the Giants will have declined in ability. They've made little offensive upgrades, Bonds will suffer some kind of decline, and they still have that senile Dominican as their manager, who falls asleep during games and allows his starters to pitch complete games. But we still have the best pitching for what it's worth. Here's a list of players the Dodgers have failed to procure, or didn't even bother for:

Kazuo Matsui
Richie Sexson
Aubrey Huff
Nomar Garciaparra
Paul Konerko
Rich Aurilia
Juan Gonzalez
Ronnie Belliard
Carlos Beltran

I'll add more to this list as the season goes on. Vlad Guerrero should be up by this weekend, who knows, maybe Jay Payton and a few more could hit as well. Feel free to add names if you think of them. Thanks. Oh and Dan, Frank, Bud, Rupert, go fuck yourselves.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Now I've done it...

I went and started another blog. So far, my dad is the only one who reads it. It has nothing to do with sports, has no curse words in it, and is very bland. It should be a hit. It has to do with the auto industry, something I enjoy. Read it here:


Tuesday, January 06, 2004

And the Lakers

It's clear to me that a Shaqless, Kobefull team is unable to beat an average Western Conference team. Hence the loss to the Clippers on Sunday. Shaq must be healthy by playoff time, and I mean HEALTHY. Or it's another Spurs Championship. It's as simple as that. I remarked in the comments section that the Spurs went on a FOURTEEN game win streak recently. That's amazing. They're a comin....
Pete Rose etc.

Rotoworld.com is reporting that we signed Bubba Trammell to pinch hit. And we also signed Bill Simas to a minor league contract. I'm not sure if this is the same Bubba who had a mental breakdown while playing for the Yankees this year, but it probably is, since this is the Dodgers and Evans knows absolutely nothing about hitters. Simas is probably a future hall of famer, and will have a negative ERA, and we will still finish in third.

In other news, Mr. Bowl Cut, Pete Rose confessed to gambling. Every sportswriter in America, seems to have forgotten "forgive thy neighbor" and screamed at the guy for lying. Did anyone not know he was lying? To become a sportswriter, is it now a requirement to be an idiot? Jayson Stark, who can't even spell "Jason" right, from ESPN.com considers Pete Rose to have betrayed him. Did OJ betray you too? Were the WMDs real too? How stupid can you get? The guy is obviously a degenerate gambler, the evidence was enormous against him, to now say that he shouldn't be back in the game because he admits to lying, is like saying you would have preferred to have him lie forever, until he died. Ridiculous.

Do I think he belongs in the Hall? Of course. I'm going to use the old standard: There are racists, murderers, psychopaths, drunks, and degenerates in the Hall. He should fit in fine. People are so crazy in this country that they actually believe that gambling on a game as a manager is the worst sin in baseball. No actually the worst sin in baseball is to suck shit, and there are plenty of shit players in the Hall of Fame (Phil Rizzutto for one.) The Hall of Fame without Pete Rose is a complete joke, with Pete Rose, it is still a joke, but not as absurd of one. The Hall of Fame has tons of people who should be in there for their stats, and tons who shouldn't. Don't you think it's a bit ridiculous that there are people in the Hall who got in there because their friends put pressure on the Committee, yet the ALL TIME HITS LEADER OF THE MLB, isn't in there, because he gambled a bit? What a crock.

Anyone who takes the moral high road on any subject is automatically an asshole, and probably a moral degenerate themselves. Baseball is the most immoral game in the world. All the players that weigh over 225 lbs more than likely have shrunken testicles, rabid acne, and short tempers from steroid use. All the players are single-minded psychotics who would gladly kill their first born for 10 more homers. It's that kind of game. To be a professional athlete means to do anything to get by. The game isn't balanced, or fair, it's absurdly skewed like WWE wrestling, with a small dose of randomness injected to make it seem like a sport. Barry Bonds cheats day in and day out for his stats, and no one cares because homeruns are spectacular. Pete Rose bet on games, and there's no evidence (nor will there be) that he fixed games. Who's the bigger sinner? Rose? How, because a rule book that is changed every season says you are banned for life? Because you viewed baseball as this beautiful idealistic game you played with your DaDa when you were three, before he got caught with his hand up the maid's skirt and ruined your sense of self, and Rose is wrecking that? GET A FUCKING LIFE. Blue collar Cinncinnati fans know the truth, people who sit in the nose bleeds know the truth, put CHARLIE HUSTLE back in the game. Besides, once back in, he won't have to throw games, the Reds suck anyway. He'll know where to bet.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

It's official...we're fucked

Now the Lakers have to do without Shaq, or Malone, the last two leaders on the team, and are left with the Selfish Demon Incarnate, Kobe Bryant, and his pal, the Mouth, Gary Payton. Gary Payton's ability to lead this team to a championship is about as likely as the Supersonics having been the dominant team of the 90s. No way in hell. If Shaq doesn't come back 100 percent later this season, we are DONE. A Slava/Horace Grant combo taking over is an absurd mess. One is retarded, the other is a geriatric. The only saving grace about being an LA sports fan is having the Dodgers...

Oh wait, we're fucked there too. The LA Times is reporting that Stalin and Hitler have made a non-Aggression treaty, in their current forms of Selig and McCheapskate, and decided to throw out the rules for debt equity and allow this prick to buy the Dodgers. Fortunately the LA Times is calling him out on this BS buy, and showing McCourt for the charlatan he is. FOX is doing this to get the team off their hands and free up whatever investment capital they have in it, to reroute to their other corporate assets, like the newly bought Hughes Electronics/Direct TV. They don't know how to run a baseball team, but they sure as hell know how to broadcast a crappy one to all ends of the globe. McCourt is the right schmuck at the right time, who will take the team off their hands, secure their quarterly report by removing the losses and handing them to him, and then if McShit falls through with the payments, since FOX will undoubtedly have a first claim to the debts, they'll foreclose on him, and take back the team. It's win-win for FOX.

But wouldn't FOX want to have the team run well? They broadcast the games, don't they? They know perfectly well that idiots such as myself who enjoy socializing with a glowing box rather than other humans will tune into every broadcast no matter how bad the team is doing, and give themselves heartattacks by their non-stop sitting and snacking lifestyle, with their blood pressure arching towards the red-line whenever Cesar Izturis comes to bat, will NEVER stop watching. Peruse Dodger message boards to see the complacent candy munching lobotomy patients who think McCourt is a genius who will ressurrect the Dodgers to greatness, and that no moves, equals good things, because their favorite little Cute Latin Player Alex Strikeout Cora, is still on the team. Maybe they can bring back that hairy asshole Karros too! Wheee!

I was sick this weekend otherwise I would have updated more often. I'll update tomorrow with the results of the Lakers/Clippers game, and if USC won the National Championship by NOT playing a championship game. Awesome. The only way LA teams can win things now is by cheating.

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