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Friday, January 30, 2004

Evans to be fired

According to the LA Daily News, Jamie McCourt slipped up and stated that they are going to dump Evans. I follow the Muslim school of thought concerning marriage, and if my dumb wife were to speak out of turn, or reveal a secret to the media, I would swiftly, and deliberately slap her in the mouth, and refit her burqua more tightly over her head. But I'm not Frank McCourt.

It's just basic incompetence to slip up and reveal plans to the media, and I hope this isn't telling of how this team is going to be run. Evans I believe should be fired, especially if the fault for making no moves this offseason is truly his fault. But the McCourts should wait until mid-way through the season. If the McCourts really believe we can pick up a big bat before Spring Training, they are delusional. There's simply no way. A new GM, hired right now, all but will destroy the front office, and make this upcoming season a guaranteed loser. Fire Evans a few months into '04, not right before.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

How can McCourt succeed?

McCourt faces a high payroll, and low income. The stadium is falling apart, the team as it stands sucks, and the division we play in is very competitive. The TV deal he has with FOX is surely weighted to FOX's advantage, and McCourt has said he will not increase ticket prices. How can he possibly succeed.

One word: Magic.

I regularly use magic. I cast assorted spells. A spell to grow a money tree in my backyard, another to make my penis bigger, and yet another to make that pretty gal I see walking on the street into my zombie sex slave. At times I've used magic, and assorted manna to give 50 hitpoints damage to my various friends with a super huge fireball. I am a magic user.

I will cast a magic spell for McCourt. I will cast a magic spell to make the Dodgers' succeed, and to make the Lakers succeed. I will cast another spell for world peace, the end of starvation, and another to give me the gift of flight.

As you can see folks we're fucked.
Dump the young pitchers

I know that sounds like Kevin Malone talking, but let's look at something for a moment. The Dodgers had the best pitching staff in major league baseball last year. How did they do it? With second chance losers. Nomo, Alvarez, Brown, Tom Martin, Mota, Perez, all these guys were dumped by their respective teams and given a second chance (well not Brown, but he made a come back of sorts). My point is, that Dodger stadium is a great place to be an average pitcher, and have above average numbers. Part of our pitchers' success last year was luck, but another part of it was simply pitching in the best pitchers' park in the country, and having two skinny Latin guys doing aerobics and catching every groundball imagineable up the middle. Seriously. So keep our hitting prospects, and dump the pitching ones. We can pick up some other burned out free agents to more than make up for it.
More Dodger News

The LA Times is reporting that Edwin Jackson has a starter job next year. If that's the case, Odalis can kiss his Dodger uniform goodbye. With Nomo, Ishii, Alvarez, Dreifort, Weaver and now Jackson, we have a complete five set (Dreifort of course, doesn't count). I'm sure Dreifort will succumb to injuries, so I don't know if this is the smartest move, but the desperate need for a big bat is so apparent, and McCourt will do anything to get the local media off his back, so this move will have to be made. Perhaps one or more of our highly touted minor leaguers will be ready to pitch as well, and that can make up for the shortfall when Dreifort's joints explode into flame, or it starts raining and he rusts on the mound.
Welcome to a New Era...

These were the words that McCourt used to open his buying of the Dodgers. I'm listening to McCourt as I type this on the radio in his first interview. He has just said he had no control over the Dodgers until today. If that's the case, Evans job is toast. McCourt has also just stated that he has the money to run the team. He's also just promised not to blow up the stadium, but he's promised to "improve" it. I guess that would mean machine gun carrying cops at every section of stadium to stop drunkards.

He's also promising to try for a championship run this year. This is his first lie so far, as his protracted negotiations have totally ruined the offseason this year. A. Martinez has just ended the lackluster interview, in part because McCourt is now his new boss. McCourt also lied and said Fox has a small interest in the team, according to Dodgers.com that small interest is 48 percent. McCourt must have taken the Don Rumsfeld school on making press conferences.

McCourt is of course going to paint this with a smiley face. I've got little to judge him on except the following:

1. He's poor.
2. He has a weasely voice, like Dan Evans.
3. He's small of stature.
4. He likes using acronyms. A is for accountability he said in his first press conference. Then he should be held accountable for fucking up the '04 season.
5. He was not totally upfront with Dodger stadium being torn down.

If he's big on accountability, I fully expect a ninja assassination squad to be sent after me in the near future, from Frankie himself, because I am going to be the fly in the ointment if you get my drift. There will not be gas passed by that man, that I will not have my beak near. I will analyze, scrutinize, harp on, every goddamn gesture, every breath he takes, every move he makes, I'll be watching you. (Sting and the Police, 1982). So far he has one strike against him, he fucked up yet another year for the Dodgers.

Well, at least the Lakers look back to form.
Frankie boy is a-comin...

Check later today for more updates...

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Oh for Christ's sake

Just as I had finished laughing at the Yankees for having a dumbass like Aaron Boone for wrecking his knee in the offseason, our own chucklehead, Alex Cora, had to step forward and break his arm. Why is this guy playing Puerto Rican winterball anyway at the age of 28? He's not some rookie who is trying to improve his skills, he's a guy who had no skills to begin with, and now with a broken arm, will have skills degraded even further. This is just another reason for Dan Evans to be fired, he clearly has no control over his players, and can't tell them to take the offseason off.

The LA Times has an article about how McCourt's bid is all but certain, but I refuse to link to it, largely because it says nothing we don't already know, and is merely filler until the official announcement. If there is no news, then don't write it.

The Lakers play tomorrow, I'll write something after the game, which I plan to watch in full. I'm sure Kobe in his weakened state will demand possession of the ball every minute he plays. Faaaaaaantastic!

Sunday, January 25, 2004

The Return of Kobe, and the Pending Sale

Kobe returned just in time to end the Road Trip From Hell, and give us a Win. He had no elevation, and his shoulder was clearly bugging him, but he let his enormous ego the best of him, and he took the risk of reinjuring his shoulder again, to give us a totally unecessary win. Shaq was probably busy eating lobster. It's a good thing that the next game won't be played until Wednesday. By then Kobe will be able to recuperate a little longer, and maybe have some kind of a return to form. Basically, it's hard for me to get too worked up about this team, since all my emotions have been swallowed by the Dodgers' offseason.

The LA Times once again quoted fellow blogger Jon Weisman, here. The sale is all but a given. The article follows standard newspaper "let's be fair to both sides bullshit" with an attempt to paint a happy smile on the situation by comparing it to the Red Sox ownership change a few years ago. The difference here is that John Henry, the Red Sox owner, is a billionaire, while McCourt is a clown. Of course that difference might be subtle to some.

Another LA Times article by Ross Newhan advocates that Dan Evans be given the heave-ho. I thought this one over for awhile. And then I decided.

Give the pink shirted jackass the boot!

I really think Evans needs to be gone. I know he's only been with the Dodgers for two full years, but in that time he has helped to turn the team into a laughing stock. If he wanted to show that the fault of the Dodgers for making zero moves this offseason wasn't his, but McCourt's, then he should have sacked up and resigned. But instead, he decided to take the craven coward's route, and try and collect on his guaranteed salary for '04. If McC*nt has half a brain, he'll fire Evans by this Friday. Last year, it could be reasonably said Evans had no chance to build up the offense, and the combinations of McGriff, Green, and Roberts all succumbing to injuries were hard to predict. Evans also showed he knows how to build a pitching staff. But this offseason was really his last chance. And he totally failed. Not one bat has been picked up, and several losers like Cora, and Izturis are back again for another fun year of strikeouts. The only true full time player Evans signed was Encarnacion, your average run of the mill Dominican strikeout outfielder, and even that signing was for too much money. Other players who have been re-signed have also been signed for too much money, like Beltre, and Tom Martin. I know Kim Ng is responsible for negotiations with agents, and she should get dropped as well.

And finally I believe Jim Tracy should be fired. Every goddamn time I see that weasel on the air, he's bullshitting like he works at the fucking Pentagon, and we just cluster bombed an Arab pre-school. Umm, Jim, why isn't our offense scoring? Well, umm, quite simply we aren't capitalizing on our efforts. What the fuck does that mean? Fire Jim, and replace him with a visual basic program on a laptop, that is kept in the dugout and have one of the players run it and input data. A 300k program will easily replace any manager out there, and be far more accurate as to when to call in relievers and platoon offensively. Half the players speak no English and can't understand a word that comes out of Tracy's mouth, and pep talks never do anything in baseball anyway. Tracy even sucks at starting fights with the umpires. That's all, in six days it'll be new ownership, and a new era. Hopefully not an era of unmitigated shit.

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