Saturday, February 07, 2004

Went to the Stadium Today

If you weigh 300 pounds and were wearing a Donovan McNabb jersey today, you probably saw me at Dodger stadium. I was there checking out the sights, and visiting the gift shop.

Dodger stadium is wierd in the offseason. This was my first visit then. The parking lot was totally empty, and there weren't any guards around, so I parked on the handicapped spots right next to the gift shop at the top of the ballpark. You know, the parking spaces reserved for Vin Scully.

The people who ran the gift shop were kind of rude. When I asked why they were charging more than 50 cents for the Fred McGriff t-shirts they took offense. They also didn't reply that I would help them burn them when the season started. I couldn't find any "Fuck the Giants" t-shirts, or "Barry uses Roids" shirts, which was kind of odd. I've been thinking recently of making my own t-shirts like this on cafepress.com, and have a little Dodgerkid in the corner. I'll wait until the season starts to do that, and see if I get enough response for that type of thing. Email me or comment if you guys would like me to design a t-shirt along those lines.

The stadium looked amazing, but the grass was a little yellow. I looked down from the upper seats to the field but then I got scared. I don't know if you have that little voice in your head that says "jump, jump you pussy" whenever you are looking down from a tall height, but I heard that voice. So I turned away and went to the gift shop. The weather today was amazing, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I could see from the stadium all the way to Century City, and even the Hollywood sign. It was tight.

I'm one of those bastards who secretly yearns for a new ballpark, that is until today, when I saw that this ballpark is pretty special. The Dodgers in the 1980s, my childhood, used to be the PREMIERE franchise in all of American sports, period. The Yankees were on their ass then, the Red Sox were a joke, we had two championships, and the greatest sports moment of that decade with the Gibson homerun. And even though all that is gone, and the Dodgers are the joke of the MLB, we still have this amazing fucking stadium where people get so hyped up for games they shoot each other in the parking lot, and are willing to buy Brian Jordan jerseys for 170 bucks. That's an amazing thing.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Does anyone speak Chimpanzee?

Because I'd like to communicate with the moron running the Dodgers, the fucking grape Ape, Frank McCourt.

What in God's good name are you doing to my team? Do you have any clue how to run things? How the hell is a man supposed to make a multimillion dollar deal with someone, and yet there's no guarantee his job is safe? No team will deal with Evans. NONE. And then the rumor mill is full of getting Maddux in a deal. We've had such good luck with over the hill possible Hall of Famers, why not try another? Let's have a wins countdown to 300 with Maddux, like the ridiculous countdown we had to 500 homers with Fred McGriff. That went well.

Another thing: Don't go after Billy Beane. Just grab his assistant GM Paul Depodesta. He's free of charge, and probably just as talented as Beane is. The book Moneyball portrayed Depodesta as basically a snivelling intelligent sychophant to Beane, a person who hates scouting. There aren't any sabremetic GMs in the NL, let's give it a try. At least we'd drop losers like Izturis and Cora.

At least rookie LeBron didn't get a win last night. I'm so glad he missed that three pointer in over time. He's gotten everything a rookie could want his first year, he needs a couple more beat downs before he's ready to be the NBA's premiere player. Which of course he will eventually be.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Look at this shit!

Want to see a pre-steroids Jason Giambi? Look here.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Quick note

Has anyone noticed that McCourt looks greasy and tanned in photos? Didn't this guy come from Boston? There is no sun there. However, there is a tremendous amount of UV radiation in the bowels of Hell, so there might be our answer.

I watched the Lakers tonight, after a three game hiatus on my part. Shaq was out after calling a ref an asshole or something, and Kobe decided to get sick. My luck that I get to watch the scrubs take the floor once again. I guess it's best that our stars rest most of the season, so they're good and ready to win the championship. The regular season in basketball is basically a joke, just the opposite of baseball, where the post season is a bullshit crapshoot. That's my introspective thought for the day...

Sunday, February 01, 2004

What we need is...Muhammad Ali

There's nothing this country, and sports fans love more, than to trot out someone handicapped, and see them do something the rest of us can do easily, like walking or talking. I just finished watching the Muhammad Ali commercial for some nerd computer language on the SuperBowl. In the commercial, he mumbles something, I think it was, "I hate white people", and he whispers it to a little kid dressed up like Eminem. It's a haunting commercial, and even though I live 25 miles away from the nearest black ghetto, I was still frightened, still moved.

McCourt needs to do some fucking ANTICS to get the fans involved. Midget ballplayers? Try it out. Topless cheerleaders? Hell, why not. Pretend firing of front office execs, so that the utter lack of moves this offseason will now have a scapegoat? Fuck yeah.

He ain't foolin anyone, and he sure as shit didn't pull the wool over my eyes. I'd love to corner him in a press conference, pull off the mask and reveal a space alien in front of a gaping mouth press corps, and have McCourt scream "and it would've worked too if it hadn't been for you kids!" I correctly predicted McCourt would get the team, now I'm going to predict something else: NO BIG BAT BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS.

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