Saturday, February 21, 2004

Maximize Capital

The Dodgers have so many assets, and have never really maximized on them. One of the most outrageous aspects of the Dodgers is that they have no Hall of Fame. There is NO DODGER HALL OF FAME. There's nowhere where you can go, and see exhibits on great Dodgers of the past, except at the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Many teams have their own Hall of Fames, they charge a nominal fee for entrance, and cleverly locate them next to the gift shop. Why the Dodgers don't do this is beyond me. Build it on one of the hillsides, and have it share parking with the stadium. The museum could have floating, and visiting exhibits, since rich people love to show off crap they've accumulated to us, the poor public, and keep it open all year long.

Another thing the Dodgers should do is have a Latino/Asian/Jewish ethnic community connection. The Dodgers have never catered to the Catholic church, or driven youth groups to games. Again, why they don't do this, is beyond me. 90 percent of the Dodgers are Catholics, including Ishii, and 90 percent of the fans are catholic. Yet no invitations of priests to bless games, and exorcise Barry Bonds. Nothing. By the way I was kidding about Ishii. He's a heathen.

Build statues. The Dodgers are once again playing second fiddle to the Lakers. The Lakers have a grotesque bronze statue of a flying black man that they say is supposed to represent Magic Johnson. Let's build statues to four players ourselves. The first one to Koufax, the second to Valenzuela, the third to Herschiser, the fourth to Jackie Robinson. The third statue is questionable, since he's no longer connected with the organization, but the first two are totally necessary. Or at least have small plaques to all the greats like they have at Yankee stadium. Anything to give Dodger stadium the respectability that old stadiums should have. Of course considering the fact that McCourt will blow the stadium up as soon as he gets enough cash, maybe this decision will be held off for awhile.

Another idea is to have a midnight game once a year. All tickets that aren't season tickets should increase in price by 50 percent, and double beer prices. People are going to come wasted to this game, and armed with guns, so double security as well. Put it on a shitty team, and it's a guaranteed sell out. Don't bring the kids. Huge moneymaker event. Advertise it with the players' pictures, and make their eyes glow red or something.

All of these ideas came at once, I think it might be LSD related. That's all for now.
Is Depodesta a "People Person"?

The writer of MoneyBall, Michael Lewis, doesn't think so. According to this article he's not so good in confrontational situations. This is all the more reason why I should be hired by the Dodgers, especially in arbitration cases, and contract deals. I'd be the first assistant GM to pull a gun on a player, since Cap Anson at the turn of the last century pulled a gun on his players to prevent integration of the sport. Quite frankly I've always found free agency to be overrated, and am a firm believer in the players as slaves to the team. Also, the article points out that Depodesta is being held by the short ones, by his wife, and this was one of the reasons he took the Los Angeles job, so she could be closer to home. Only in America. Any other country, and she'd be overwhelmed that her husband is making six figures a year, but not here.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Lakers Update

Why is Horace Grant on the team? His defensive skills, like most of the Lakers, are deplorable, he's always been a terrible defender, and now he's 45 or so. So he's a slow terrible defender. And yet Phil plays him.

The Lakers played two absolutely garbage teams, Portland, and Golden State, and won, barely. The laziness and stupidity of the individual Lakers is stunning, and you can tell they are coasting to a playoff spot. That being said, the level of play among the entire NBA this year has just been unconscionable shit. If we win the championship, it'll be not from playing well, but playing atop a heap of poo. I'll wait and see if Chris Webber's return does anything, but I think right now my favorites to win are the Spurs. I keep rotating from the Kings to the Spurs, but the Spurs seem at least capable of playing defense. Then again, players tend to play harder in the playoffs, so we'll see if the Lakers can come through. I never thought I'd say this but, I think Rick Fox needs to see more playing time. He's the only Laker other than Shaq that can defend.

As for the Dodgers, Eric Gagne got his new salary. And Kim Ng, head of negotiations, just got to keep her job. Saving the Dodgers three million dollars, after absurd deals to Tom Martin, and Adrian Beltre, she strikes me as competent in making arguments to arbitrators, but incompetent at face to face debates with ruthless agents, like Scott Boras. Boras represents Gagne as well, so it is an even bigger surprise that he lost his case, considering the victories of Maddux, Ivan Rodriguez have had this season at ripping off prospective teams for their past their prime service. My hope here is that Gagne doesn't feel ripped off at the whole thing, and walks away from the Dodgers at the end of the season. He really is the most valuable player on the team, especially if you use a win share analysis. If he were maximized by pitching only when we were tied, or leading by one run, he'd be even more valuable. Certainly more valuable than Shawn Green.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Cut Todd Hundley

Sink this mofo. Here's a link to his latest exploits. Hundley is injured yet again, and won't be ready for spring training. It's my first recommendation to the Dodgers. Yes we will eat the salary, but we will also free up a roster spot. We have people in AAA like Koyie Hill who need playing time to mature, and Dave Ross is a much better choice to back up than, than a washed up rumored drunkard like Hundley. Forget this guy.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

I'm a Christian Now

I tend to pray a lot, well, actually my "prayers" are more like "wishes". I pray for vengeance upon my enemies, mind control powers, beautiful women to be mine, money, power, the ability to fly, have multiple orgasms, and pass through walls. Until this weekend, none of my prayers came true.

Now Depodesta is the Dodgers' GM.

I know that after years of Dodger fans being sodomized, beaten, and embarrassed, and being relegated to the memory bank, the Dodgers are about to turn things around. Frank McCourt, a man I called a "leprechaun", among other things, has earned the right for me to not make his last name into a moniker, like McShit, McClown, McBroke, McBastard. I'll still criticize him, but I won't blast his last name. He should be proud.

As much as I bag on statheads, I consider myself one, and I think it's the only good way, or at least the only way with a minimum of error, to run a baseball team. There are basically three ways to be a GM. The psycho way, as shown by Kevin Malone, where you pick the player who speaks to you in a dream, the standard way, where you take the advice of a hillbilly who played baseball 30 years ago, and still chews tobacco and who swears this seven foot tall kid from Peru can throw 200 miles per hour, and then the stat way.

This is the beginning of a new era, I'm just sorry I was away on business to not talk about it. It's the end of the road for the Giants, and the other AAA expansion shit teams we share a division with. Tomorrow I'll update with some recommendations on who Depodesta should fire. And eventually I'll break down the NL West.

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