Saturday, April 17, 2004

Dodger Ads

Those Bobble Head commercials absolutely SUCK. Just letting you know.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Your Guide to Petco Park

I went to the Padres-Dodger game last night. I drove both ways. I'm exhausted.

If you're unfamiliar with downtown San Diego, let me be the first to say, watch your back. It's a total ghetto. I haven't been down to San Diego in years, and I had visions of an Aryan frolicking beach paradise, instead I get rampant dismal ghetto. But there are signs of urban renewal.

The stadium is a metallic behemoth. It's hideous in some ways, and enormous in all others. Whereas Dodger stadium is swallowed up by the hillside, Petco Park is gigantic. And if you think the people who serve you Dodgerdogs are retarded, wait till you get a load of the people who serve hotdogs there. Utterly retarded, mega retarded, zombie retarded. The guy who served me hotdogs, didn't use tongs to grab the dogs, instead used gloved hands. He actually left the hotdog stand once he ran out of gloves, with a line of about 20 people to feed. And the food is TERRIBLE.

The seats are comfy, probably the most comfy baseball seats I've ever sat in. Dodger stadium seats are old, broken, and stick into your ass. Petco seats are nice.

The stadium is freezing because of the ocean wind. Bring a jacket. The sight lines are better than Dodger stadium. 26 bucks should buy you a great seat. That's what I spent. Getting to the seats is another matter. I can't explain it, but the way my seat was constructed, I had to jump over a fence, or go past 15 people to get to it. So I jumped over the fence. It's obviously an engineering error.

Another element of superiority over Dodger stadium, is that sitting on a high level doesn't make you feel like you're about to fall to your death into the field. The seats aren't at a very steep incline at Petco Park. This is a good thing.

There is one parking place for the stadium, but it is small and expensive. Most of the parking at the stadium is small parking places in the ghetto downtown. It's like Staples Center in that respect.

And now to the field of play. God help whoever plays right field for a team at Petco. Brian Giles will probably blow out his knees playing there. The right field has two corners, and its complexity allowed a shit hitter like Cora to get a triple last night. It has to be the biggest right field I've ever seen. I think that's why the Dodgers won last night, was because they played left handed small ball, and a big steroid guy like Giles just can't get to small fly balls quickly enough. A left hander with enough power to get past the first base with a pop up will get on base. It's a terrible design.

That's all I can think of right now. There's a bar on one of the levels open to the general public, and it's filled with yuppies in their mid twenties. You can watch the game standing up at several points. I recommend visiting it, because it's probably what Dodger stadium will eventually become if it is torn down. It will be in downtown, have nice seats, no parking, and a really nice bar and restaurant. I can't say I'd be disappointed if they tore Dodger stadium down, because it really is a rundown shithole, but as long as they don't hire the DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH to serve me a hotdog, I won't complain. Of the four stadiums I've been to in my life, I would say it was the third worst, but not a godawful experience. I plan to go to Pacbell Park or SBC center or whatever the hell the Giants are calling their place today later in the summer. All right I'm done.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Things I've noticed

Just real quick, have you noticed how Shawn Green is constantly touching himself, and how he "wipes" the bat against his privates at every at bat, at least three times. He's been doing it for years in fact. And have you noticed how he says "good job" to an opposing player when he gets on base, when he covers the first base? Is that legal?

And one other thing I noticed. The Padres opposing bullpen is in the right field foul territory, and the Padres' own bullpen is safely esconced behind the field? How can that be legal? What next, a pit trap for the opposing team in the outfield?
Is this crazy or what?

I was reading some of the articles on the Dodgers.com website, and I noticed something here. Here's the specific quote I want to highlight:

Tracy told Lima before the game and told reporters he was not comfortable losing Wilson Alvarez out of the bullpen. Tracy is insistent on having two left-handed relievers so he doesn't overuse Tom Martin. If Alvarez starts, he would be unavailable for relief for three days before the start and two days after.

Is it just me or is it crazy to structure your entire bullpen around a left handed specialist? Martin is almost as bad as Dreifort, in terms of having injury problems. He's decent, but his skills don't merit this treatment. Not only that, Dan Evans in his infinite wisdom signed Martin through 2005, so we'll have two full seasons of a bullpen structured around a lefty specialist, all so we can have our fifth starter be Jose Lima, who has a career 88 ERA+. God Help Us all, it's so crazy I can barely stand it.
Tomorrow, I go to PETCO

That's right amigos! Tomorrow I go to Petco Park to watch Hideo Nomo pitch against the Madres! I'll have the lowdown on what it's like to sit and watch a game there, whether the rumors are true if there are really masseuses in the restrooms, padded toilet seats, and caviar dispensers next to the hotdog concessions.

As I write this, Ishii is pitching BRILLIANTLY, Malone, yet another old player who should be retired has blown out his ankle. But tomorrow I leave the ghetto confines of Los Angeles, for the warm suburban air of San Diego.
Old Men shouldn't Play Sports

They should just buy teams and wear diapers. Time after time, year after year, General Managers, coaches, and front office staff go with what they think is the safe route, and pick grizzled veterans over youth. The veterans look better on paper, sure, but they are enormous injury risks. Let me explain:

Remember Fred McGriff? Dan Evans went the safe route, and chose the 39 year old for our starting first base position. He could have gone with Chin-Feng Chen, or perhaps not traded away Karros, but he chose a player who looked decent statistically and could draw walks. McGriff promptly strained his groin and missed most of the season. You'd think the Lakers would be different. But they decided to one up the Dodgers and go with their own 39 year old risk in the form of Horace Grant. Where's Horace now? On the DL, out for the season, with a broken hip. A broken hip is a classic old man's disease. He gets it slipping in the shower, walking the dog, picking up his grandson.

DEVELOP TALENT. I can't stress this enough. Take risks with iffy youngsters. There's a good possibility that mediocre playing, but a SEASON full of mediocre playing, is better than a few weeks of above average playing with most of the season missed.

So the next time you see Jose Canseco, Rickey Henderson, or Yogi Berra on television, and if you're in a position of power to do something about it, make fun of that old man. Make him feel bad to be playing a young man's game. And make him retire.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Kill your TV

Like an Iraqi listening to a US bombing raid, I'm going to have to listen to tonight's Dodger game on the radio, instead of on television. I'll probably end up dropping it altogether for the Laker game on tonight. The latest rumor hitting sports radio is that Kobe purposely dogged the game against the Kings to show how important he was to the team. If that's the case, he should kicked off the team, and possibly beaten with a crow bar.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Shawn Green: Criminal

Here's a quote from the LA Times:

The Dodgers have Green to thank — or curse — for allowing Hung to infiltrate the clubhouse after the first baseman downloaded the songs.

Shawn did you pay for those songs? Typical millionaire.
Lakers, thy end is Nigh

Kobe did not score in the first half. Shaq was a shadow of himself. The game fell to Payton and Malone. And then we were slaughtered.

It's my hope that we're resting for the playoffs. If we're not, we're done. Finished. Fucked. Kings or Spurs win it all. Kobe off to prison. Shaq retires. Lakers to mediocrity. Dodgers become premiere team in LA. Ok it might not be so bad. But that is what we face if the Lakers play this way in the playoffs. They have two more regular season games, first Golden State, then Portland. The first we have got to win to show some gumption. The second, well, we should win that too.

To the Dodgers--Here's a quote from Jim Tracy talking about Odalis Perez's game today:

"Of the 115 pitches he threw," Dodger Manager Jim Tracy said, "just two kept him from throwing six scoreless innings."

That's like saying, except for the moments he allowed the other team to score and beat us, he was basically ok. I'm officially on the Fire Jim Tracy bandwagon, if such a bandwagon exists. If it doesn't, then I will create it. This guy should work for the Pentagon, he paints everything rosy. Obnoxious prick.

And finally congratulations to Phil Mickelson on winning the Masters. It was very exciting on the back nine. Your story of an easy going WASP lifestyle coupled with a gorgeous wife, loving family, million dollar endorsements, having to deal with failure until this moment warmed my heart. You've been through so much Phil, I only wish we had been kinder to you. Asshole, burn in hell. I wish Els had won it.

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