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Saturday, May 15, 2004

Send Ishii and Nomo to AAA

It's time for our prospects to show up. I know that the Dodgers are destined for greatness this season, and like the Marlins of 2003, will have rookie magic buoy us to victory. Those rookies are probably named Edwin Jackson, and James Loney.

Ishii pitched last night about as well as I would pitch, if I was to pitch a major league game, minus the velocity. He was absolutely terrible.

I'm convinced that Ishii's ERA is entirely the result of the great middle infield he has behind him. He puts balls in play constantly, and the result is an out, if it is a ground ball or fly ball. Ishitty is an embarrassment.

But I'm not worried. I really think the Dodgers have starting pitching depth. What I'm worried about is the hitting.

What if Beltre slumps? Probably not likely, this is very likely his break out season. What if Beltre needs surgery? More likely. If he slumps for any period of time, the Dodgers should cut him open, and not make the same mistake they made with Green last year. Beltre is hitting a lot better than Green was; this injury doesn't seem to effect his bat. But it is extremely painful and will take its toll. The same goes for Milton Bradley, who according to that ruthless shitheel T.J. Simers, is the new Kevin Brown. We all know that if the Lakers and the Dodgers win the championship, Simers will be out of a job because there won't be any team left in LA for him to bag on. If the LA Times wants a sarcastic jackass who doesn't really understand sports on the payroll, they should just go ahead and hire me.

But back to the offense. We have no real offensive depth. Loney may or may not be ready, it's hard to tell. Were his Spring Training numbers a fluke? Is he really talented? What if Bradley and Beltre go down? Bradley isn't hitting well, and I've seen less happiness out of him. There's just not enough there.

To be on the safe side, the Dodgers need to buy someone. I think that person is Aaron Boone. He was at the game last night. He needs to play for the Dodgers. And then Izturis can be benched, and Cora can be the full time shortstop. A career OPS+ of 98, and he's only 31. To me that's a no brainer. He's a laid back type, has a Playboy Playmate for a wife, and is a fuckup. If that's not Dodger material I don't know what is. Dodgers need to pull out all the stops on this one. Boone won't make up for the loss of both Bradley and Beltre, but he'll help. And quite frankly, he's probably all that's out there.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

This was a win...for America

I've never been wrong in my life, but for first times, this was great. I thought the Spurs would win it all, and after the loss tonight, I almost went back and deleted previous blog records, and replace the word Spurs with Lakers, but I decided against it.

I think the Lakers are going to win it all. They played better then the Spurs tonight, and basically, they should have won it before Duncan made that fluke shot at the end. Fisher guaranteed a contract extension, if he doesn't have it already.

But there's one more important point I haven't made. The Lakers are an American team. The Spurs are a team of infidels and foreigners. A Frenchman, a Turk, a Slav, an Argentine, a Kiwi. If we hadn't beaten them, who knows what would have happened to our troops stationed abroad. If the enemy knows we can't win on the basketball court, they'll know we can't win on the battlefield. Let it first be reported here: Federal Agents were waiting in the Spurs lockerroom with garrotte wire to strangle the entire team if they won. Yes, this win was that important.

So even those I was a complete bastard for betting against the team I root for, the loss of money is a-ok as long as a championship is the result. Now wouldn't it be cool if the Lakers AND the Dodgers win it all?

I should be on again, on 93.1 FM, the Johnny Brandmeier show, to give my thoughts on the game. Tune in between 6am and 9am, but probably earlier then later.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Stunning

I'm going to reprint the Alex Cora at-bat against Matt Clement (who is on my fantasy team, unfortunately)

Pitch 1 - Ball
Pitch 2 - Called Strike
Pitch 3 - Ball
Pitch 4 - Foul
Pitch 5 - Foul
Pitch 6 - Foul
Pitch 7 - Foul
Pitch 8 - Foul
Pitch 9 - Foul
Pitch 10 - Foul
Pitch 11 - Foul
Pitch 12 - Foul
Pitch 13 - Foul
Pitch 14 - Foul
Pitch 15 - Foul
Pitch 16 - Foul
Pitch 17 - Foul
Pitch 18 - in play, run-scoring play
Alex Cora homers (2) on a fly ball to right field. Jason Grabowski scores.

Fucking Amazing. Best at-bat I've ever witnessed, too bad I was stuck at home.

Alvarez was incredible. I've advocated this guy to be a starter from the beginning. Yes he's an injury risk, but a win's a win.

Lakers tomorrow...

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Hell Yeah

Kobe seems to do well when he's in a courtroom before the game. Imagine how well he'll play if he's in a jail cell before the game! It's an idea I've come up with, and I think it just might work. If they could lock him in a cage and beat him before the game, we might see 50 points that night. The same goes for Payton. When the media slacked off before this game, not telling Gary that he was a shit player, he only came back with 8 points. He needs someone to follow him around before games, calling him a loser. I volunteer.

That's the problems with these wins. They cover up for the fact that the Lakers have enormous problems. This team cannot win on the road. Or barely. If this game goes to seven games, the Spurs are going to win. The reason for this is because the Spurs for some insane reason, have home court advantage. I don't know why the NBA has decided to award a team that will ruin them monetarily, in terms of TV ratings, with an advantage, but they went with it.

That little French rat, Parker, scored 18 points to Gary's 8. But big Tim Duncan was held to 19. That's the key. Karl Malone must be allowed to carry a knife, or perhaps a small club during the game. He MUST deliver a career ending injury to Duncan for the Lakers to pull ahead. We don't have an answer for Parker, we'll just have to let him score.

And Kobe must play like this again. I've already stated how I think we should motivate him.

And one final note. Tomorrow I should be on 93.1 FM (Arrow), between six and seven AM, and I'll be giving my thoughts on the game.

I know other than a few Navy SEALs, most of you will be sound asleep. But if you have any love in your heart for me, and if you know the great and generous person that I am, you'll tune in.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Dodgerkid brings you Aural Pleasure

If you were listening to Arrow FM (93.1) this morning on the Johnny B show, I was the cause celebre. The Dodgerkid himself was asked for his thoughts on the Laker series so far, and I told the truth. Spurs in six.

Now that I'm famous I'd like to thank all those who helped me get this far:

No one.

That's right folks, it was a solo effort. For those people who call themselves my friends, I've moved on. I have new store-bought friends, people who help me with my new drug habit, and hot chicks who give me venereal diseases. I'm a new man. I've changed my cell phone number too, so don't bother calling me.

This is only the beginning. I intend to use my position on the radio to filter into the minds of citizens everywhere, convincing them that my way is the right way. From now on, everyone will forgo motor vehicles, with myself and my bodyguards excepted, and all will bow before me when I am in their presence. I will also begin wearing a cape. And a dapper hat and cane.

We'll see what the immediate future holds for the Dodgerkid. He's bigger than Manhattan in pants, Donkey Kong's bowel trouble, Large Marge. He's big I tell ya...muahahahaahahahahahahah!!!!!

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Wow, so I guess we're going win it all now

I remember last week when Houston took a game in the series. They were jumping up and down like they had won the lottery. They promptly went on to lose everything and be eliminated. I'll forever have in engraved in my mind the image of hillbilly's jumping up and down, naively thinking their team was championship caliber.

I didn't see that from our fans tonight. Nor from the individual Lakers. That's a good thing.

I thought all the Lakers played well. Tim Duncan is clearly an inferior player to Shaq; when Duncan has a shit night, he is beyond terrible. When Shaq has a bad night he scores 12 points.

I'm still sticking to my prediction that the Spurs are going to take the series. Al Michaels in his infinite wisdom relayed to me the useless stats conveyed to him by some lackey in a booth somewhere. Evidently the Lakers have a seven percent chance or so to take the whole thing. The last time someone came back from a 2-0 deficit was nine years ago with Jordan and the Bulls.

So that means are chances are about the same as pulling out of Iraq winners, and Christianizing the entire Middle East, and Americans stopping their massive weight gain. So otherwise translated: we're probably fucked.

I was glad to see the little French bastard Tony Parker humiliated, and his Turkish friend Turkoglu reduced to nothing. Americans must remember that it is a long tradition to not take shit from small European powers, and the basketball court might as well be the world stage.

A Lakers win is something all Americans and those associated with the NBA must root for. If San Antonio were to face the Pacers in the finals, I can guarantee you that approximately 50 thousand Americans will tune in for that showdown. NO ONE in their right mind is going to watch. To most Americans the name San Antonio is that small border town in Mexico where you first were introduced to marijuana and prostitution, or a chain of cheap Mexican sit down restaurants. People are still surprised that they are an American city with an NBA team. They wear black costumes for godsakes. They're obviously villains.

So this is bigger than all of us. We need a win for the sake of humanity, for the sake of Western Civilization. I guess my whole point is, let's wait until Tuesday's finished before we get cocky.

And in Dodger news, Nomo is officially finished as a pitcher. And Jim Tracy could have saved the Dodger bullpen a lot of trouble by pitching Gagne in the eighth. And I just know that it's only a matter of time before Bradley goes to the DL.

Pray that I'm wrong in my observations...

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