Thursday, June 03, 2004

The Troubles with Being a Nerd

Like a good little Nerd, I've been having computer troubles the last week, and haven't been able to update. I'm also taking night classes to get my plumbers/Air conditioning repairman license, so I'm missing games. I plan to use my newfound abilities to work in the homes of people to set up spycams in their ductwork, and to steal jewelry and kitchenware.

I didn't see the Milton Bradley Goes Crazy Show, but I have some thoughts, as I always do on things that aren't really sports related, but happen in the world of sports, like Vin Scully's toupe.

In the three big sports, football, basketball, and baseball, referees/umps have varying powers. In the NFL, a coach can shit in a ref's hat, tell him he's an asshole, and basically nothing will happen. In the NBA, if you so much as fart within a 100 feet of a ref, you're hitting the showers. In baseball, there's a wide gulf.

Now we all know Milton is insane. He comes from a bad background, he's got tons of problems to deal with (mom has cancer, no father, etc.), so he's a walking timebomb. He's going to be more trouble in the future, and that's why in large part I wanted him on the Dodgers, because it's really exciting to be around crazy people, and see them unscripted on television. But the fact is, it is well known that Milton can go nuts.

So what should an umpire do? Umpires, as far as I'm concerned, should be invisible. They shouldn't have grudges, they shouldn't force a batter to change his hitting style, they should just call a game. But instead we see them. We see them because many of them are over 200 lbs overweight, do stupid things like get hit by foul balls because they're too fat to move out of the way, and have fatal heartattacks when the National Anthem is playing.

And let's face it, they're failed players. Like most people who work in sports, who aren't athletes, somewhere along the line they couldn't cut it, but still loved the game, and became umpires.

So if it's found out that this piece of shit who threw Bradley and Tracy out of the game was egging them on, then I think he should be fined, tarred, and feathered. And if Bradley was the culprit, well punish his ass then.

One last word on the subject...props to Tracy for sticking up for his players. I know he's doing it to look like a good guy, but there aren't many managers anymore who get kicked out of games for their middling players getting ejected. I still hate Tracy, but I'm beginning to respect him more. Plus he and Eric Karros didn't get along, and you can't say much bad about that...

Lakers on Sunday...we sweep them in four...watch out!!!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Heeeeeeeeer'es Johnny!

I'm Back Bitches! The Memorial Day weekend was amazing, as I was in anti-Lakers territory (the rest of the United States outside of LA), and was getting blotto at a pal's wedding. I was able to catch the last few seconds of game six of the Lakers/Timberwolves game, which I watched at a public television set at LAX. I burst out laughing at Kevin Garnett wiping away tears, knowing full well he was fucked, and the rest of his deformed looking teammates would head home to that frozen tundra wasteland of Minnesota to prep for another hopeless year.

Can you believe the stuff I've missed out on with the Dodgers? Milton Bradley injured, Wilson Alvarez injured, Edwin Jackson recalled from AAA, and we're back in first place? As Yakov Smirnoff would say: What a country! Not to mention the fact that the Dodgers are thinking of getting a mascot. I think it's a great idea, along the lines of drinking cyanide, as a great idea if your goal is to kill yourself. Angelenos are a jaded, cynical, hateful bunch, and the last thing they want is some furry monster dancing on a dugout. However, if the mascot is something that has nothing to do with the Dodgers, is ridiculous looking, and regularly interferes in the game by attacking opposing managers, umpires, and players, then I'm all for it.

All right, now the updates will be gettin' regular...watch out mofos...

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