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Friday, June 25, 2004

Fight Fight Fight!

Did ya see that shit? Twice in a row, the Giants and the Dodgers got into a tussle. Good stuff. Now if they wore skimpy leotards, and greased themselves up, they've already got the steroids down, we would have had WWF on a baseball diamond.

Typical rah-rah bullshit, the real reason behind the fight was that the Dodgers know they're playing a team much better than they are, filled with fans who are much less laid back and more fairweather than ours are. And the truth hurts.

I'll be watching intently later this week, when the two teams go at it again. Predictions:

Shawn Green doesn't join in the tussle, and jokes about it with another Giant who reaches first.

Eric Gagne throws a ball through Neifi Perez's head.

Paul Lo Duca and Ray Durham get lost in the tangle.

Manager Felip Alou has a heart attack.

Jim Tracy loses his glasses.

Eric Gagne's shirt comes out untucked.

Eric Gagne eats Ray Durham.

It'll be fun so watch! And watch tomorrow's game, I'll be in the left field corner, overlooking the rival Angels' bullpen!!! And yes I will be handing cigarettes to the relievers!!!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

My Aching Back

Yesterday I threw my back out saving a pregnant woman from a burning car. So updates are going to slow for the next few days. I should be going to watch exciting interleague play this Saturday at Dodger stadium. I'll be the one offering cigarettes to the rival bullpen, to give them that extra kick they might need to pitch deep. My back is killing me whenever I sit for a prolonged time, or if I attempt to bend over at the knee. Knowing my luck, I'll be put in prison over the weekend, and my eventual gang rape will be even more excruciating.

And those rubber chickens Giants' fans have are soooo funny. I think McCourt should sell giant rubber syringes next time Barry comes up to bat at home games.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Gotcha Hollywood!

Nicholson and Crystal, two old guys who haven't had a hit for the better part of a decade, came to the game today to cheer on the Yankees. The obnoxious Crystal went so far as to hope Gagne's record would be broken, saying that would be a great Father's Day gift for him. That's typical of New Yorkers, I'm sure I could find a few dozen who would have thought it would have been a great Father's Day gift if the Dodgers had been contracted after the game. And of course that's why after 9/11, after the tears were shed, no one joined up the Army looking for revenge. Now if they had bombed a nice people city, like Seattle, or Dallas, you can bet there would have been some good ol' boys grabbing a rifle to kill Aaaaarabs. But New Yorkers? Those guys have Batman, Superman and Spiderman to help them out. Maybe Jeter could have lifted up a fallen piece of concrete or something.

Now don't take this as support of the terrorist acts. On the contrary. All I'm saying is that that arrogant attitude that New Yorker's are famous for, just maybe, might have contributed to, shall we say, a less than amazing level of support. Much smaller than after Pearl Harbor for instance.

That's the way New Yorkers view themselves, as sort of the reason for everything. It's an arrogant attitude that Laker fans have to some extent, and certainly Yankees fans have. And that's why both teams are widely hated outside of their respective homes.

And by the way, I thought Kobe was being his usual clever self by wearing Dodger colors to the game, to say that he loves this city. More bullshit to get the fans on his side. I'm glad I heard boos when they showed him. I'm thinking about starting a petition movement to get Kobe off the team, and keep Shaq on....

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