Friday, September 17, 2004

Jesus Christ do something!

The math nerds among us are telling me not to panic, with their elaborate graphs, odds making, and other mathematical mumbo jumbo. We lead the Giants by 2.5 games!! Do you know what that means? That's less than three! We're doomed.

Mathematically speaking the odds are on our side. Magically speaking, we're screwed. I saw the game last night, where we were shut out. Who dared to stick his lanky frame into view? Phil fucking Jackson. Remember him? Coach of the LA Lakers, the team that LOST. And who gave a "pep-talk" to the Dodgers, before the game? Phil fucking Jackson. By the way, I thought Jeanie dumped him after he resigned. Guess not.

This guy is a downer. He's incapable of winning anything anymore, and there's no doubt in my mind he lead to tonight's destruction. Get away from my team, you disease!

It doesn't matter that every team has a down point. If the luck goes wrong one way, that down point will last through to the end of the season. Now if the season went on to 172 games, we'd probably come roaring back to win it. Up next...the Rockies...

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Considering Selling Out

I'm in the middle of negotiating ads for this blogger. Contrary to how many of you perceive me, I actually wrote this blog so that I would become famous, make millions, and sleep with groupies. Depending on what this advertiser wants to pay me, I will proceed to bombard every person who visits this blog with pop ups, for their exquisite transsexual porn site. Just kidding, it's actually for sporting events tickets.

Monday, September 13, 2004


My first prediction is this: We are going to the playoffs.
My second prediction is this: We are going to win the NL West.
My third prediction is this: The Atlanta Braves will have a better record than us.
My fourth prediction is this: We will face the Cardinals in the NLDS, with the Cardinals having home field advantage.

My fifth prediction is this: We will be eliminated in the first round.

That's why it's important I get tickets to the first game of the playoffs, which will be the only post season game played.

The Dodgers just don't have the front line starters to win. From my perspective, a hitter needs a lot of at bats to get a rhythm. That's something he doesn't have in a post season. But a pitcher can get a rhythm in pitch count, and improve himself. He can try HARDER in the post season. A batter is trying his hardest in every at bat, because he's performing in a fraction of a second. A pitcher is performing over several hours. He put forth more effort in a cluster of hours, say one start in the post season. This is why the old maxim is true: "pitching wins in the post season". I have read that the A's and their slave manager are monitoring their front line starters closely, watching the pitch count carefully, so that the A's will enter the post season with very rested starters, and increase their odds of winning. Are we doing this? Not really. We also just don't have much talent beyond Perez and Weaver. Nomo is still terrible, Ishii is unconscionable, and Lima is the luckiest man alive with his incredible run support.

We're just not going to go deep this October. Ain't gonna happen.

If someone would like to give me a playoff ticket I would appreciate it. I promise to bathe before the game, and wear a really cool jersey symbolizing baseball in the LA area. I'm also not embarrassingly ugly, and will make strange and unique comments throughout the game. Thank you.

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